From Harper's Magazine:

Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75

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Found on the seal of a bag of bagels:

	  NEW
	IMPROVED
      Made the old
      fashioned way

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Sign in a restaurant:

We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone.

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Heard on a radio station.

What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom?

He's a real fun guy [fungi].

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Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?

A: Just spell Evian backwards!